THE DEAD HORSE TAKES ANOTHER BEATING

Hey everyone! Tex is hurt. Yeah, he has a sore neck and stuff. 

It’s been bothering him the last few days. It’s not anything that will land him on the DL or anything. It’s just a tightness that has hampered him. That’s why he is batting a Stephen Drew-esq .214. No big deal. 

Hey, Mark is a slow starter. He’ll warm up as the weather does. No worries here. I figure he’ll be a solid .218 or .219 by June. All is well with our bargain of a 1st Baseman in his final contract year. With all that is grand in the LAND OF SUGAR FREE LIVING Tex should have loads of time to get a slew of new “Foul Territory” episodes. Whew! Thank heavens! With all the lousy news in the world we could use a good laugh from Tex. I mean he is just a step or two away from being the next Will Ferrell. I couldn’t be happier!

Hey, just for kicks let’s think of other things we could do with 25 MILLION Dollars! Cool? Right on!

I’m thinking a really nice beach house out on the Hamptons for starters. You’re all invited of course. 25 big ones buys us a lot of quest rooms! Is there a pool? You betcha! A pool shaped like the face of Babe Ruth! 

And it’ll have a Jacuzzi with a built in sound system so we can all catch the sweet sounds of Suzyn Waldman while we are on vacation! SAH WEEEET!

Or! How about we rent an F-18 Hornet for a few weeks! The Navy had many of them grounded over the past few years. Let’s get one, park it in the driveway and make the neighbors think we’ve lost our minds! It’ll get us a spot on NY1 for sure, and I bet we make the back page of the NY Post too!

You know what…let’s just donate it on our favorite charities under the name “The .214 Club”! We could sleep well KNOWING that it will do a lot of good to all the causes that need help. 

I for one think that’d be the best way to go…or we all take a little to go out of town until mid November, and maybe give Swisher a call to come up and play in the Bronx one last time. I’m okay with that too.

It’s May and the “TEX IS OUTTA HERE” Clock is ticking down…like his batting average and likelihood that he plays a healthy season.


** Tell him you amazing Mighty Mighty BossToneS**

  
--Mike O'Hara Senior "Features" Writer
Twitter: @mikeyoh21
 

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