CLUELESS BOONE & THE QUEST TO FIND WORDS

Giancarlo Stanton is… still alive. That’s basically the only takeaway from Aaron Boone’s latest round of public mumbling.

In what might be the most impressively empty update of the 2025 season, Boone opened his mouth, rearranged some syllables, and told us absolutely nothing. When asked about Stanton’s elbow tendinitis—the mysterious condition that’s kept him out since spring training—Boone served up his usual dish: lukewarm nothingburger with a side of word salad.

Could Stanton skip a rehab assignment?

Boone: "I don’t want to speak too soon. We’ll see."

Cool. Bold stance, Aaron. Maybe next time just hold a Magic 8-Ball to your face during the presser and say, “Ask again later.” It’d be equally helpful and way more entertaining.

Meanwhile, Stanton continues to “work out,” which we assume means occasional light jogging, a little stretching, and watching batting practice from 400 feet away like a man studying an ancient ritual. But seriously, the guy mashed seven home runs in 14 postseason games last year. He’s a difference-maker… when he’s not made of glass.

Last season, he batted .233—not great—but still clubbed 27 home runs and drove in 72 runs. That kind of pop doesn't grow on trees, especially in a lineup that sometimes looks allergic to clutch hits. So yes, getting him back would be huge.

Unfortunately, trying to extract a meaningful update from Aaron Boone is like trying to download a movie over dial-up. Painfully slow and always ending in disappointment. Beat writers should honestly just bypass Boone altogether and go straight to the team doctors—or maybe even the clubhouse janitor. At least they might give an honest answer.

Boone's pressers have become an absurdist theater where words are spoken, cameras roll, and the rest of us leave dumber for having listened. So no, there's no real update on Stanton. Just more Boone babble. If you're holding your breath for meaningful information, you won't get it from Boone.