JOEY GALLO'S STILL GOT IT APPARENTLY

The fact that we’re still talking about Joey Gallo in 2025 is nothing short of a miracle. Seriously, how does this guy keep making headlines? And why do I keep talking about him? The world may never know.

When the Yankees signed him, I knew it was a disaster waiting to happen. Gallo is like a human wind turbine—constantly generating air with all his strikeouts but not producing much else. And yet, baseball executives continue to be hypnotized by the idea that, someday, maybe, possibly, he’ll stop whiffing at everything. Spoiler alert: he won’t.

His latest destination? The White Sox. A minor league deal and an invite to spring training, according to reports. Yes, Chicago has decided to roll the dice on a guy who hit .161 with 10 home runs last season in Washington. And let’s not forget his time in The Bronx—where he posted a glorious .159/.291/.368 slash line, mashed 25 home runs, and struck out 106 times in 233 plate appearances. That’s almost impressive—like a magician pulling rabbits out of a hat, except instead of rabbits, it's strike threes.

I know Babe Ruth once said, “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game,” but I don’t think he meant exclusively striking out. At this point, Gallo is basically a baseball-themed horror movie—every time he steps up to the plate, you know what’s coming, but you still have to watch.

Let’s put things in perspective: he has 1,292 career strikeouts and just 208 home runs. That’s like going fishing, casting your line 1,300 times, and catching 200 fish. Would anyone call that a success? No. That’s just a guy who refuses to admit he’s bad at fishing.

And yet, teams still line up for him. Why? Because front offices are still obsessed with the long ball. The problem is, with Gallo, you have to endure about 30 strikeouts before he finally runs into one. Who has that kind of patience? Not me. Not you. Not anyone with eyeballs.

But hey, since I cover former Yankees, I’ll keep an eye on this trainwreck. Let’s see if Gallo actually makes the team. I’d bet yes—because baseball executives love chasing home runs the way kids chase ice cream trucks. Even when they know it’s a bad idea.

Give me a break.