BEARDS & BOSTON. IT'S OFFICIAL... THE RED SOX MAKE ME SICK

There I was at the start of an 18-mile race with the wind at my head on Long Beach Island this past Sunday.  And I was proudly wearing my New York Yankee Nike Dry Fit cap that I picked up at the stadium about a month ago- when the Bombers were still playing and there was still hope.  I have to say, however, that right now, right this minute I never hated the Red Sox more.  And I might add, their beards are making me sick!  Followers on Twitter, you all know how I feel because I can’t help but share my passionate emotions each time I tune into Fox and watch the motley crew tug at the tuft of hair on their chinny chin chin.  Just gross! 

I don’t know what’s worse, quite frankly.  Jonny Gomes, Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Mike Napoli chewing and spitting in their scraggly beards or the fact that the Sox are up 2-1 in the ALCS.  The beards look like they stink and Salty’s wife said that her husband’s beard reeks.  He promised to shave it off after the post season, which I for one, hope ends for the Sox before the World Series. 

Apparently the Sox players have names for their beards too, which just adds to my frustrations.  “I’ll shave it off when we win the World Series,” said Red Sox catcher David Ross, whose gray-flecked beard is known as “The Wolf.” “That’s when I want to shave it off,” as reported in the Daily News this week.  The Yankees would never act like this.  Besides, we have a policy against unruly facial hair.

The Goose and Gator used to have fights with Boss George to keep a little extra hair.  Their beards are nothing compared to the Sox who have become “Duck Dynasty” on the diamond. 

Honestly, I don’t have the same frustrations for other bearded ball players representing different teams in the post season as I do for the Red Sox.  I mean, honestly, Brian Wilson is just damn cool- the end.  “Ex-Giants closer Brian Wilson might be The Beardfather of baseball’s recent dabbling, considering he jolted fans in 2010 with his long, black beard as San Francisco won the first of two World Series in a three-year span. Giants fans even chanted, “Fear the Beard,” reported the Daily News.

I get that it’s a superstition thing, but I don’t want to feel like I need to take a shower every time I tune into a baseball game because I see sweaty beards flopping in the wind.  It’s bad enough that the Yankees aren’t in the post season, but to have to be subjected to grown men in need of some serious hair care is just too much.  So, yes, I am rooting for the Sox to lose not just because they are our nemesis but because I need relief from the smothering dirty follicles threatening to plague this year’s fall classic. 

--Suzie Pinstripe, BYB Opinion Columnist
Twitter: @suzieprof




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