ZERO JOEY GALLO IS ABOUT TO REINVENT HIMSELF

Well, well, well. Would you look at that? Joey Gallo has been exposed—again. But hey, I’ve been saying this for years. It wasn’t until he stumbled into the bright lights of the Bronx that everyone else finally caught on. Funny how that works, huh? The guy was never a good hitter, but put him in a big market, and suddenly, people started noticing what I’ve been screaming about forever.

The last time we checked in on Gallo, he was desperately clinging to a spot with the Chicago White Sox. And—shocker—that didn’t work out. After going 2-for-20 in spring training (which, for Gallo, is basically on brand), striking out 11 times in nine whole games, the White Sox decided to do what the Yankees and Dodgers already figured out: cut bait and move on.

But wait, the saga doesn’t end there. In true Joey Gallo fashion, he took to social media to announce a bold new career pivot: he’s done with the outfield. Now, he’s going to be a pitcher. 

That’s right, folks. The guy who couldn't hit a baseball is now trying to throw one past major league hitters. The White Sox, hilariously enough, were not interested in this experiment, so now he’s on the lookout for a team willing to take on "Project Gallo: The Mound Edition."

 
Now, to be fair, Gallo did pitch in high school—back in 2012. And yes, he threw a no-hitter for Bishop Gorman in some Easter Classic game. Impressive… for a teenager. But let’s just be real here: that was over a decade ago. High school glory days don’t exactly translate to getting major league hitters out.

Look, I have to give the guy some credit—the confidence is unmatched. I mean, he’s already cemented himself as one of the worst hitters I’ve ever seen, so why not reinvent himself as a pitcher? If nothing else, I appreciate the entertainment and believe it or not, I admire it. 

Stay tuned—this train wreck ain’t over yet.