STEVE COHEN IS OBSESSED WITH THE YANKEES

Steve Cohen is at it again, folks. The Mets’ billionaire owner is treating the MLB offseason like it’s his personal revenge tour against the Yankees. Forget winning a World Series—this guy seems more concerned with winning the “I Spent More Money Than You” trophy. After signing Juan Soto to a measly 15-year, $765 million deal (chump change, really), Cohen is now obsessed with Japanese superstar pitcher Roki Sasaki. Because what’s another potential half-billion-dollar risk when you’ve already lit a bonfire of cash, right?

According to SNY’s Andy Martino, the Mets met with Sasaki on Thursday, making them the second team publicly linked to the NPB ace. The first? Oh, of course, the Yankees—because Cohen’s offseason playbook clearly reads, “Step 1: Find out what the Yankees are doing. Step 2: Do it louder, bigger, and much more expensively.”

Meanwhile, Yankees GM Brian Cashman—probably wearing sunglasses indoors to hide the dark circles from dealing with Cohen’s antics—confirmed Sasaki has an in-person meeting scheduled with the Bronx Bombers. The exact timing of that meeting remains unclear, possibly because Cashman wants to avoid paparazzi catching Cohen peeking through the bushes with binoculars.

Let’s recap Cohen’s offseason strategy so far: Sign Juan Soto for a record-breaking $765 million, ensuring he gets all the headlines and all the MLB owners’ passive-aggressive side-eyes.
Zero in on Sasaki like a kid at a carnival aiming for the biggest, most expensive stuffed animal.
Completely forget about the actual holes in the Mets’ roster.

And those holes are big enough to make a Yankees fan laugh out loud. The Mets need a corner infielder, at least two starting pitchers, and probably a bullpen that doesn’t immediately combust in the seventh inning. But instead of addressing these glaring needs, Cohen is busy signing Soto and chasing Sasaki, like a guy who maxed out his credit cards on a sports car and forgot he still needs to buy groceries.

Here’s the kicker: signing Soto might have been Cohen’s attempt to “poke the bear,” but the Yankees have responded by doing the thing Cohen should be doing—fixing their roster. Losing Soto actually freed up cash for the Yankees to shop for everything they need. Starting pitcher? Check. Bullpen reinforcements? Check. First baseman? Oh, they’re working on it. Cashman’s out here grocery shopping for a five-course meal while Cohen’s standing in the Lamborghini dealership, wondering if they make them in Mets orange.

Agent Joel Wolfe confirmed Sasaki’s whirlwind U.S. meeting tour before the holidays, with the Japanese phenom set to return home soon. Sasaki probably hasn’t even heard of the Mets-Yankees rivalry, but don’t tell Cohen that—he’s already picturing the back-page headlines when he “steals” Sasaki from Cashman’s grasp.

So, should Mets fans be worried? Absolutely. While Cohen plays billionaire chess with the Yankees, the Mets are still missing key pieces on their actual chessboard. If this offseason ends in anything less than a Sasaki-Soto World Series miracle, Cohen’s wallet and the Mets’ future might be the real losers.

Steve, we love the ambition but maybe spend a little less time staring at the Yankees and a little more time staring at your team’s depth chart. 

Or at least let someone else hold the checkbook for a minute.