Wednesday, September 3, 2014


If I were a trial attorney and was asked to prosecute Mark Teixeira for being an offensive black hole and ever present drag on the lineup I could win the case in record time. The “clean up” hitter for the Yankees hit a staggering .203 in July, and followed that limp performance by posting a .193 average in August. The jury wouldn’t even leave the room to deliberate. The defense would throw up a white flag and ask to make a deal instantly. He is guilty, folks…and like his upper cut swing at a 93 mph fastball it ain’t even close.

Tex is also being charged with impersonating a switch hitter. He is lousy from the right side and only slightly less lousy from the left. He is a “which hitter”, as in whichever side you pick Mark is going to disappoint you.

Early this year I wrote a piece about believing Tex is not a great Yankee. Read HEY TEX, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME.) He is not in the conversation when one speaks of the beloved Bombers that have manned 1st base. Donnie, Tino and even Giambi are light years away from this guy. They were heart and soul guys. And I say again, Teixeira is NOT of that mold. Yes, he is the second best goal tender in New York when it comes to his glove (Second to King Henrik), but he is often hurt, often vanilla and always frustrating considering we pay a .222 hitter so much money. I wish we’d taken some type of warranty plan on Tex. He has had more issues than that sharp looking, older model used car that you got a sweet deal on…only to have it drop it’s transmission a year later…and WE DIDN’T GET A SWEET DEAL!! WE PAID THROUGH THE NOSE!!

I realize it may seem unfair to jump all over Mark when discussing this offensively challenged group. They have ALL (aside from Gardy & Jacoby) been pretty damn bad this year. McCan’t and Charlie Bone spur will also be called before the court for their crimes of (LACK) of passion. However, being the new guys…well, the facts aren’t all in.

Tex on the other hand…well, it’s just getting worse. He actually seems more alive doing his knockoff web show. Yeah, it’s been done before, gang. Chris Farley and Zach Galifanakis executed the idea far better than Tex does…and rightly so…IT WAS THEIR JOB!

Sort of like Tex’s job is to HIT THE BASEBALL! If he wants to be a comic…GREAT! Get to it, Mark. Hang up the spikes and leave the money on the table. The Yankees can use it to get somebody who wants to win.

I want to be clear that I don’t dislike Mark Teixeira. He does seem like a nice guy and a good person…but my Uncle is a nice guy and a good person and he shouldn’t play for the Yankees either. I just think that Tex has to go. Yeah, we’ll miss his glove, but does that mean there couldn’t be a better glove out there? I doubt it. And as Tex continues to age at the plate he WILL age in the field. It’s just biology and the sands of time doing what they do.

I know that Tex was a great player…he just flat out isn’t any longer. In fact he isn’t even a decent hitter. Sorry Mark, YOU GOTTA GO!

** My buddies The Mighty Mighty BossToneS said it best. Take the hint Tex **

--Mike O'Hara
Senior "Features" Writer
MLB Fan Cave Host, Season 1
Twitter: @mikeyoh21
   "Paulie was always my favorite player."


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