THE YANKEES ARE STILL PAYING HICKS, FYI

 

Let’s take a moment to appreciate just how spectacularly dumb some MLB contracts are. Not just the Yankees—though they’ve practically perfected the art of burning piles of cash—but MLB owners in general. These guys hand out long-term deals like candy at a parade, then act shocked when the player disappears into the Bermuda Triangle of mediocrity.

Case in point: Aaron Hicks. Remember him? Barely. He was last seen as a warm body in an Angels uniform—briefly—before L.A. cut him loose on May 2, 2024. Now, in 2025, he’s not on a roster, not in a dugout, not even in the conversation. But guess what? He’s still getting paid. Because the Yankees, bless them, locked him into that hilarious seven-year, $70 million deal that runs through this season. Thank you, ESPN, for reminding us just how painful that contract still is.

Hicks once flashed talent. Started hot. Then he collapsed like a wet paper towel. Couldn’t hit. Couldn’t field. Couldn’t handle the Bronx. Just ask Joey Gallo or Devin Williams. Pressure makes diamonds—or in some cases, makes guys forget how to swing a bat.

He had a flash-in-the-pan moment in Baltimore too—blink and you missed it—and then drifted off to Anaheim, where careers go to die apparently. Now he’s out of baseball entirely, but still has a direct deposit hitting his account every month. The Yankees are paying him to do nothing. The rest of us? Just shaking our heads.

And people wondered why I cheered when we dodged the Juan Soto 15-year financial death trap. Sure, Soto’s a stud at the plate, but 15 years? That’s not a contract—it’s a sentence. Steve Cohen can gloat all he wants about snatching him from the Yankees, but enjoy writing those checks in 2037, my guy.

Here’s the thing: MLB owners need to stop acting like fantasy team managers hopped up on Mountain Dew. Very few players are worth locking down for a decade. Aaron Judge? Sure. That guy grinds. But most of these dude's fade. Fast. Complacency sets in, and suddenly you’re stuck paying millions to someone golfing in Florida.

Hicks is just the latest cautionary tale. A once-promising player who fizzled—and is now cashing checks to do nothing. 

It’s fascinating. It’s pathetic. It’s baseball.