ROKI SASAKI CRUSHED BY KYLE TEEL!

Simulation or not, that was a nuke by Kyle Teel. I thought Roki Sasaki was a phenom? Whatever, that's the Dodgers problem now. In their quest to be glutton, let them figure it out.

Let me set the stage. The Dodgers, baseball’s resident dragon guarding a hoard of talent, might’ve finally tripped over their own pile of gold. After spending yet another offseason treating the league like their personal Costco, stocking up on all the best players (because, you know, why not?), they rolled out their shiny new import, Roki Sasaki, and, uh, things didn’t go exactly as planned.

It was Tuesday morning, and while most of us were still nursing our coffees, Sasaki was busy serving up a wake-up call to Dodgers fans everywhere. Facing the White Sox in what the PR folks called a "hybrid B-game" (whatever that means), Sasaki stepped onto the mound with all the hype of a blockbuster sequel. This is the guy MLB Pipeline ranked No. 1 overall, the one with a fastball that supposedly whispers sweet nothings to the radar gun.

But on his second pitch, Kyle Teel—ranked a measly No. 32, practically a peasant in prospect terms—took that high-and-mighty fastball and sent it soaring. Yep, Teel went yard. Against Roki Sasaki. The Dodgers’ newest crown jewel got his first taste of Major League power, and something tells me it wasn’t quite what he was expecting.

 

I mean, this isn’t Japan, Roki. Here, there are guys like Teel who’ll jump all over you—and then there are guys even better than Teel, ready to make you wish you’d stayed on the other side of the Pacific. I get it, though. Moving from NPB to MLB is no small leap. But when your new team is already measuring you for a Hall of Fame jacket, a little bit of humility might be in order.

Now, in fairness, Sasaki did recover after that early embarrassment. He coaxed a few grounders—though, considering there were no fielders behind him, I’m not sure what that proves. He even managed one swinging strikeout, which, if we’re grading on a curve for spring training, maybe earns him a gold star. But for all the hype, one would think Sasaki might’ve shown a little more.

Because, listen, Rotoballer couldn’t have sold Sasaki harder if they’d been on commission:

"Sasaki's fastball can touch triple digits, but he also offers a devastating splitter in the 88-90 mph that coaxes eye-popping whiff rates. The 23-year-old has ace-like potential and the transition to MLB should not be too challenging."

Ace-like potential, they say. Not too challenging, they say. And yet, here we are, talking about how Kyle Teel—who, last I checked, wasn’t exactly on MVP watch—sent one over the wall. Maybe Sasaki just had a bad day. Maybe he’s still adjusting. Or maybe, just maybe, the Dodgers got a little too comfortable sipping their own Kool-Aid.

But hey, it’s spring training, right? It’s the time of year when veterans look rusty, prospects swing out of their shoes, and half the guys on the field are wearing numbers higher than the speed limit. Maybe Sasaki will find his groove once the games count. Maybe he’ll make us all eat our words and turn into the ace everyone predicted.

And as for Teel? Well, if he can keep this up, he might just become every Dodgers hater’s new favorite player. There’s nothing quite like watching a team that collects All-Stars like Pokémon cards get humbled by an underdog.

One thing’s for sure: This season just got a whole lot more interesting. If Tuesday’s blast was a sign of things to come, I’ll be the first in line with popcorn. Go ahead, Sasaki—show us what you’ve got. And Teel? Keep hitting nukes, kid. It’s about time someone reminded the Dodgers that the game still has to be played on the field.