ALONSO GETTING LOOKS & THE METS CAN'T SEEM TO SEAL THE DEAL

Oh, Mets. Here we go again. Did they not learn anything from the Yankees? Apparently not. When you blow nearly a billion dollars on one player, you’re essentially locking yourself in a diamond-studded financial jail cell. And guess what? That’s why they’re struggling to re-sign Pete Alonso and couldn’t close the deal with Teoscar Hernández, who’s now rocking Dodger blue again. Steve Cohen might be a billionaire, but his strategy is looking more like Monopoly money management. In his rush to one-up the Yankees and snag Juan Soto, Cohen forgot one very important lesson: you need more than a shiny superstar to win games. Classic Mets. That’s why they’ll always be Just the Mets.

But let’s not stop there. Cohen’s obsession with beating the Yankees has turned into a full-blown soap opera, and not the good kind. Sure, stealing Soto is a headline move, but when the rest of your lineup looks like it’s held together with duct tape, what’s the point? The Mets didn’t just fail to "win" the offseason—they tripped over themselves in spectacular fashion, leaving their fans asking, “Wait, we did what with all that money?”

Meanwhile, over on the West Coast, the San Francisco Giants are licking their wounds after losing the Corbin Burnes sweepstakes. The Arizona Diamondbacks swooped in and locked him up with a six-year, $210 million deal, leaving the Giants scrambling for other big free agents to fill other big holes they have. Enter Pete Alonso. 

But wait, let’s talk logistics. The Alonso market isn’t exactly booming. Teams like the Yankees, Astros, and Guardians have already filled their first-base holes with trades or free-agent signings. Even the Mariners, one of the few teams still in need of a first baseman, are reportedly taking their sweet time. That leaves the Giants as one of the last real suitors standing. Could Alonso break their 20-year home run drought? Sure. Could Oracle Park’s cavernous outfield shave a few dingers off his stat sheet? Also yes. It’s like moving a shark into a kiddie pool—you know it’s not gonna be happy, but it’ll still be terrifying.

Back in New York, a Mets-Alonso reunion remains technically possible, but don’t hold your breath. MLB rumors suggest that negotiations between the two sides are about as far apart as Citi Field and Yankee Stadium. Alonso probably wants superstar money, and the Mets, after their Soto splurge, are looking at their wallet like, “What money?”

At the end of the day, this whole situation is peak Mets. They’ve spent like drunken sailors, gotten outmaneuvered by smarter teams, and now find themselves in danger of losing their best homegrown slugger since…well, maybe ever. Meanwhile, Steve Cohen continues to play chess while everyone else is playing baseball—only it turns out Cohen’s chess set is missing a few pieces.

So what’s my takeaway? The Giants might snag Pete Alonso and finally add some pop to their lineup. The Mets might find a way to keep him, but only after an offseason circus worthy of Barnum & Bailey. And Steve Cohen? 

He’s proving once again that money can’t buy championships—or common sense.