Wednesday, February 11, 2015


The following post is imaginary and contains harsh language.  Reader discretion is advised.

Alex Rodriguez walks into a dim conference room. He's wearing a $5,000 suit. He smirks as he opens his suit jacket.

The room is very smokey.  At the long table sits Brian Cashman with his hand on his forehead. His other hand is clinched to his phone at his ear.  He's whispering into it almost like he's about to make a blockbuster deal, but he's not.

Hal Steinbrenner sits at the far end of the table. He's at the head. There are a stack of newspapers in front of him. He's holding a pen with both hands forward. There's a sparkle that catches his 2009 World Series ring, but it's just for a moment.

To his left is Randy Levine.  He's got a slight bead of sweat dripping from his curly hair. He looks nervous, but then he starts coughing. It's the smoke, coming from Hank Steinbrenner, who's not sitting at the table at all.

His seat is off in the corner, under a small floor lamp.  He's reviewing the horse races and smoking Marlboro Reds.  It reeks.

Alex walks over to Hal...
Alex: Hi sir. Long time no talk.
He's grinning. They shake hands..
Hank barks out: You FUCK!
Hal, as he's shaking Alex's hand, snaps and turns toward Hank...
Hal: Shut it Hank!
Hank looks back down at the paper. After his 'Hellos', Alex walks back to the far end of the table.  The meeting has begun.

Randy: Al, what's this all about? We know what you did. You tried to sue everyone, and now you want to sit down and talk? About what?

Alex: Well, I've disrespected everyone, I've tarnished my legacy, but I still work for the Yankees, sir.  I still believe I can fulfill my obligations.

Hal: That's very noble Alex, but what makes you think we want you to?  We have all been in your cross hairs and you've sued our doctor for crying out loud! 
 He slams his hand on the table...
Hank: Screw him Hal! He's a loser... LOSER!
Hank waves his hand and his cigarette ash now falls slowly to the carpet.  He squashes it with his worn out shoe.
Hal: HANK! You're only here to listen! Keep your mouth shut This is why you're not in meetings!
Hal now glares at Cashman...
Hal: And what do you have to say about this!
Cashman slowly closes his flip phone. He puts it on the table. He looks at Alex, nervously.

Brian: You're a good player Alex, but you crossed the Yankees and you've lost my trust.  You don't do that and now, we have to sit here and talk about what? Home Run records? Money we really don't think you deserve? I mean, this IS about money when it's all said and done.  Where the hell were you last season when we needed you? Oh, that's right, you were serving a suspension for something that you told everyone you didn't do! There were investigations and lawsuits and we struggled as a team last season because you lied and didn't contribute.  We're not happy.
Alex: I know. I know all of it.

Brian: I'm not finished you selfish Son of a Bitch!
Alex puts his hands up... he's silent.
Brian: We want you to come to Spring Training and keep your fucking mouth shut and do your job! THAT'S IT!

Hank: Keep your FUCKING MOUTH Shut!
Hal: Alex, you need to show up, you hit for us, you produce and get us wins, that is now you're only job!  When we want you to play 3rd, you will do it and smile.  If you need to be benched because we want to bat someone else that day...

Randy: Guess what else you're gonna do?! You're gonna sit down and root your team on, chat with the youngsters and demonstrate leadership! That is what you do from this day forward!

Brian: I understand that some of the players on our team like you. You have friendships, despite the bullshit, but do NOT take advantage.  Your job is to come to work and contribute. That's it.

 All you hear right now is the ticking of a clock that sits on a shelf next to a smokey corner where Hank is sitting.
Alex: OK...  ok.  You're right.  I am a huge asshole.  I'm arrogant, a prick... what did you call me Hank?

Hank: A FUCK!

Alex: OK fine.  You don't approve of me. I blew it, I'm a liar, I'm a cheater and I have destroyed my own reputation and I have made the Yankees look bad.  I have no friends and I've disappointed everyone close to me.  I have ruined my own career.  I know this.
I know this really well.  But here's what I can offer you now.  I apologize. I apologize 100 times over.  From this point forward, I will provide the full athlete to you. I've been working hard.  I've been trying to get back to game shape and I'm almost there.  I will walk out on the field ready to play!  I will do whatever Joe needs.  I understand my role is diminished, but you have to understand that sometimes my ego gets in the way and I say things to the press about third base and... 

Brian: That shit can't happen anymore!

Alex: OK. I'm working on it sir.  I will do my job.  I will get hits and get runs home.  I promise.  I will earn my way back and I hopefully will earn your trust back.
Hal: Alex.  While I appreciate that and I understand the need to sit down with us today, here's the thing... we will accept you wanting to play hard for us again, but we've been burned a lot.  So apologizing won't really help, but I'll accept it.  Now though, you and us, we need to come together and do a job.  My dad had many disagreements with Billy Martin, but he trusted his abilities and kept going back to him.  I believe in your abilities and I think they are still there, and so all I want you to do is produce for us.  Let us get something out of the remainder of your contract, maybe we even win a championship... and then, when the time is right, we say our goodbyes and that's the end of you and us.  The Yankee name has been dragged through the mud by you.  If my father were alive, trust me, bad things would happen.  That's how angry we are in the Steinbrenner house.  Bottom line, you owe us quality appearances at the plate. You owe us a season and I want it back!  Shape up or I'll find a way to void your contract.

Alex: Ok...
Alex now clamps his hands together. He then stands up and turns toward the door.  You still hear that clock tick and as the door opens.  Alex then turns his head toward the table again.  He gives a timid wave...
Alex: Thank you for your time.

Hal nods.

The door shuts.


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