STEVE COHEN: THE BILLIONAIRE SUCKER

Steve Cohen thought he was making history when he signed Juan Soto to a contract so massive it probably has its own gravitational pull. And sure, landing Soto was a big moment for the Mets—fireworks, confetti, the whole nine yards. But beneath all the fanfare, this deal has “nightmare” scrawled across it in big, bold letters.

Let’s break it down. Cohen didn’t just give Soto a fat paycheck; he handed him a blank check to write whatever he wants. We're finding out more about what Cohen gave Soto, and it's stupid.

Besides the near-billion-dollar contract, he gets personal security for the whole Soto clan, a private suite at Citi Field, deluxe hotel accommodations for road games, and probably a gold-plated toothbrush for good measure. Cohen’s not just signing players; he’s building luxury lifestyles.

But here’s where it gets truly jaw-dropping: Cohen also gave Soto the green light to play in the Dominican Winter League. Yes, after shelling out what amounts to the gross national product of a medium-sized nation, Cohen’s letting Soto trot off to the Dominican Republic for a little off-season fun. It’s like buying a Lamborghini and then handing the keys to a teenager with a learner’s permit.

Soto, of course, is living the dream. When he told MLB insider Hector Gomez, “I asked the Mets to give me permission to play 10 games with the Tigres del Licey,” you can almost hear the smirk in his voice. He knows Cohen’s too deep into this mess to say no. He's handcuffed. Pathetic.

The whole thing reeks of desperation on Cohen’s part. He’s gone from being a sharp, shrewd billionaire to the sports equivalent of the guy who buys a Ferrari just to prove he’s still got it. And the risk? Oh, it’s huge. We’re talking potential catastrophe levels. One wrong move in the Winter League, and Cohen’s $800 million “investment” could be limping back to the States.  Not to mention that Soto will be a broken-down player in 3 years with a decade plus to go on that stupid contract.

In the end, Cohen’s lavish deal with Soto might go down as one of the most expensive mistakes in MLB history. And while it'll improve the Mets instantly on paper, Soto's a selfish player. He just doesn't have what it takes to lift a team to a championship. If he did, he's be one with the 2024 World Champion Yankees (said no one ever 'cause it never happened.) 

I'm saying it here; Soto is a high-stakes gamble, and the odds aren’t looking good. Cohen thought he was building a dynasty, but he might’ve just bought himself a front-row seat to a very costly train wreck.  Hey Stevie, stop chasing the Yankees and do what's right for the Mets. You're obsessed and this is just a bad, bad deal.