WHAT TO EXPECT FROM BURNETT IN SPRING TRAINING

There’s been a lot of buzz about AJ Burnett during this off-season. Many people are concerned about what his performance will be like this year after a shaky season in 2011. I’ve done the research, looked at stats, video, and read many educated opinions about what the so-called
experts think will happen with AJ this season.

It’s no secret by now that my own predictions have been a bit “off” when it comes to our baseball recently. Let’s review, shall we?

• I predicted the Yankees would win the World Series in 2011
• Then I predicted that Texas would win (GAME 7: CHUCK NORRIS VS. WOODY WOODPECKER)
• I was certain that we’d keep Jesus Montero
• I postulated that we’d keep Jorge Posada for one more year
  

I could go on, but I think we all get the point. I’ve been wrong...A LOT. Therefore, I am taking a different approach when it comes to predicting what AJ Burnett will look like on the mound this year.

Quite simply…he’ll suck. I mean, not just suck, but he’ll pitch so badly that my Nana will fly to Tampa to show him a trick or two. Mariano Rivera will watch from the bullpen, wondering if he’s
accidentally looking at a pro-bowler and not a Major League Pitcher. Nick Swisher will beg to go in as relief and Joba will begging for the flies to return, but not him this time... on AJ.I predict that Burnett's performance this season will be so bad, that Francisco Cervelli will yell “fore!” after every pitch that doesn’t make it in the dirt.Bob Uecker will come out of retirement just to bring back his famous saying, “Just a bit outside” when AJ’s curveball does a 180 into the stands. The Steinbrenners will have to install yards of plexiglass in 360 degree radius to avoid injuring other players. You’ll see soccer net behind the plate every time AJ starts, for obvious reasons. His aim will be so off, that he won’t even be able to hit the right guy with a pie in the face.

I predict that AJ will give up so many hits that the ink in his tattoos will fade a little every time a line drive whizzes by him at lightning speed. His hat will blow off his head so many times, that
the League will make an exception for him that he doesn’t even have to wear one, and they’ll issue him a safety helmet instead.Keeping AJ in the starting rotation will be a relief to him. I mean, who needs those flashbacks of being the last one picked for a team during high school gym class? We all remember that feeling. At least he’ll have a place in the lineup and have to avoid the shame and embarrassment of being paired up with the gym teacher.

Mark my words, this will be AJ’s worst season yet, he won’t pitch well, hitters won’t fear him, and he won’t assist the New York Yankees to a World Championship this year. Nope. I predicted it, therefore, it shall be so. *wink*

--Christy Lee, BYB Staff Writer



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