GARY SANCHEZ IS BACK IN THE AMERICAN LEAGUE!

Remember when Gary Sanchez was "The Kraken," terrorizing pitchers and winning over Yankees fans with that sweet power swing? Yeah, those were good times… until you actually watched him catch. Then it felt like someone let a guy off the couch, slapped some gear on him, and said, “Go play.” The eye test wasn’t kind, folks—lazy blocks, wild stabs, and all the defensive finesse of a bowling ball rolling downhill. But hey, he could hit bombs, and for a while, we all squinted hard enough to pretend that was enough.

Fast forward to 2024, and guess what? Sánchez is back in the AL East! According to Jon Heyman of The New York Post, the Baltimore Orioles have signed him to a one-year deal worth $8.5 million. Yes, $8.5 million! For Gary Sánchez! Baseball truly is the land of second, third, and fourth chances.

Gary Sanchez to Orioles. One year.

— Jon Heyman (@JonHeyman) December 8, 2024

The O's plan to use Sánchez as the backup to franchise superstar Adley Rutschman, because, let’s face it, Rutschman is too good to sit often. Sánchez is the "break glass in case of emergency" guy for when Adley needs a day off. Maybe Gary can even DH occasionally, just to remind us all that, yes, he can still hit a baseball into orbit every now and then.

Now, to Sánchez’s credit, he did have a mini-resurgence with the Padres last year. After bouncing around like a baseball vagabond, he managed to crush 19 home runs in 260 plate appearances and post a respectable .218/.292/.500 slash line. Sure, the batting average wasn’t going to make Ted Williams rise from the grave, but it ain’t bad. It was enough to get him a gig in Milwaukee, where he backed up William Contreras and occasionally lumbered over to first base or DH duties. Serviceable? Sure. Inspiring? Let’s not get carried away.

Now, Orioles GM Mike Elias has decided to roll the dice on Sánchez. Maybe he thinks Gary’s got some veteran wisdom to impart to Rutschman. Or maybe Elias just wanted a catcher who can make Adley look even better by comparison. Either way, it’s a bold strategy.

For Orioles fans, this signing is a little like ordering a Big Mac after watching a five-star chef prepare a steak—it gets the job done, but it’s not what you’re really excited about. At least Sánchez can still hit the occasional monster homer, which should be fun at Camden Yards. Just don’t expect miracles behind the plate, unless your idea of a miracle is catching the ball most of the time.