DODGER PITCHER TRIES TROLLING RIZZO, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS

Michael Kopech, a guy whose name you probably had to Google, decided to take a swing at Yankees first baseman Anthony Rizzo on the Baseball Isn’t Boring podcast. Spoiler alert: much like his pitching career, it didn’t land. Kopech, who’s been about as relevant as MySpace in 2024, used his time on the mic to mock Rizzo’s well-known leadership and constant mound visits during high-pressure games.

“I’m just gonna say it,” Kopech started, which is usually code for I’m about to embarrass myself. “Rizzo made hundreds of mound visits in the World Series games. You could almost see the pitchers’ faces, just like, ‘What could they be talking about right now?’ We had a running joke in the bullpen of ‘Rizzo visits remaining.’ Every time there was a visit, it was Rizzo.”

Okay, Mike. First of all, Rizzo’s mound visits are the stuff of legend. He’s the guy everyone wants in the trenches — calming pitchers, cracking jokes, and leading the team with class. Yankees fans love Rizzo because he’s the heartbeat of the clubhouse. Meanwhile, Kopech is over here acting like a Dollar Store Trevor Bauer, taking cheap shots to stay relevant.

The irony? This is coming from a guy who, if we’re being honest, is mostly famous for sharing a bullpen with better pitchers. Kopech’s contributions to his team are about as memorable as a mid-July rain delay. And yet, here he is, throwing shade at one of the most respected players in the game.

Kopech didn’t stop there. He went on to pat himself on the back by talking about how Max Muncy and Miguel Rojas came out to “settle him down” during games.

“To put in perspective of how it was for us, our guys were doing it at the right time,” Kopech said, somehow managing to turn the podcast into an audition for a Participation Trophy Hall of Fame.

Let’s be clear: Kopech talking about “the right time” is like a backup dancer criticizing Beyoncé’s choreography. Nobody’s here for your take, buddy. The Dodgers may have had the last laugh in the series, but Kopech trying to use Rizzo as a punchline reeks of desperation.

And it’s not just Kopech. His teammate Joe Kelly also took shots at the Yankees, claiming their defensive mistakes in Game 5 helped the Dodgers win. “They started kicking the ball around and playing Yankee baseball,” Kelly quipped. But at least Kelly’s been around long enough to have his own highlight reel of annoyance. Kopech, meanwhile, is hanging on by association, like the guy in the group project who takes credit for everyone else’s work.

Here’s the thing: Anthony Rizzo doesn’t just lead; he defines what it means to be a team player. He’s the guy everyone wants on their side, the glue that keeps the clubhouse together, and the kind of player who gets standing ovations from Yankees fans no matter what. Kopech, on the other hand, is... well, let’s just say his career highlight so far might be this podcast appearance — and that’s not a compliment.

So, Michael, maybe focus less on Rizzo’s mound visits and more on figuring out how to not be the bullpen punchline yourself. Because right now? You’re not a guy taking jabs at the Yankees. You’re just a tool.