THE MISFITS OWNED BOSTON. PORTNOY CRIES.

The Yankees absolutely flattened the Red Sox, and I enjoyed every glorious second of it.

A 9–0 win in Game 1. A 9–2 win in Game 2. Eighteen runs to two across a two-game sweep. Boston showed up for October baseball and wound up participating in a Yankees batting demonstration. Somebody should have offered them continuing education credits.

There’s something deeply satisfying about watching your biggest rival get sent home before its fans have finished explaining why this is finally their year.

And yet, somehow, Dave Portnoy came away concerned about the Yankees’ champagne consumption.

The Barstool founder and professional Boston grievance distributor posted this:

“The Yankees celebrating a wild card series win with champagne just shows how far that franchise has fallen. Very embarrassing.”

Dave, your team just got swept. Perhaps start the embarrassment inspection in your own clubhouse.

Now, before anyone mistakes me for the president of the Aaron Boone Appreciation Society, let me be clear: I’m a true-blue Yankees fan, and I thought the celebration after merely clinching a wild-card berth was ridiculously stupid.

On that principle, I agree with Portnoy. Making the playoff field shouldn’t have me wondering whether somebody accidentally ordered the World Series celebration package. Shake hands. Enjoy dinner. Save a few bottles for an actual accomplishment.

But eliminating the Red Sox in a playoff series? After beating them like that?

Pop the cork. I loved it.

There’s a difference between celebrating your invitation and celebrating after you’ve kicked your biggest rival out of the party. These Yankees earned a moment to enjoy themselves.

Look, champagne celebrations are routine when teams advance in the postseason. And Boston was good, and Boston’s strong second-half push ended with the Yankees sweeping them without Aaron Judge playing in the series. That’s a rough combination for a Red Sox fan trying to lecture anybody about standards.

Boston couldn’t beat the Yankees without their biggest bat, but Dave would like a congressional hearing on the beverages. Wonderful priorities.

And here’s the funny part: I’m defending a team in this 2026 Yankees club I still haven’t fully fallen in love with. I know, crazy right?

Look, it bothers me. These are my Yankees. I should feel more attached. Instead, too often I watch them with the emotional posture of a homeowner waiting to find out what the contractor broke.

A lot of that, for me, comes back to Boone. I think he’s a poor leader. I want a manager whose team looks prepared, focused and accountable. Too often, I’m left wondering whether the next explanation will make me more annoyed than the mistake did.

Then there’s the group itself.

They remind me nothing of the Core Four. I don’t get that feeling I associate with the 1978 Yankees, either. Those teams have a permanent place in my baseball soul. This bunch still feels like a collection assembled from three different rosters and a handwritten notice outside a hardware store...and you know I'm right. That's why I call them the New York Misfits.

Minor leaguers. Big leaguers. A couple of guys who look like they could finish framing your garage before heading over to the beer league. I half expect somebody to ask whether the postseason shares include mileage for the work van.

It’s a weird group. They haven’t given me that automatic emotional connection just because they wear pinstripes. I’m rooting like hell, but I’m still waiting for the moment when rooting turns into believing.

Well, destroying Boston was a pretty good sales pitch. For two games, these misfits gave me exactly what I wanted: winning baseball and a thoroughly miserable Red Sox fan base. I don’t need everybody to remind me of an old champion when they’re busy sending Boston home. Keep doing that and we can work on the relationship.

Portnoy, meanwhile, sounds like a guy standing outside a restaurant complaining that the people inside are enjoying dessert. Would I expect Boston to celebrate if the roles were reversed? Absolutely. And I’d hate watching it. That’s the privilege of being a rival fan. You can be aggravated without pretending you’re the commissioner of champagne.

The Yankees now move on to Tampa Bay, which finished with the American League’s best record and let's face it, they are a better team than the Yankees. Now, the Yankees are hoping to have Judge back for that series.  But I wonder, do we need him? This rag-tag group seems to be doing great.

Look, I want to see these misfits win again. Beat the Rays. Give me another reason to yell at the television in a way the neighbors can actually enjoy.

Maybe this oddball collection will grow on me. October has a way of making a fan sentimental about people he spent September threatening to trade.

For now, enjoy the win, BYB freaks. And Yanks? You earned this celebration.

And Portnoy? Shove it, buddy. Go back to Boston.

Your team can pick you up. They’re free.