WEAK-CHINNED WILLIAMS SIGNS WITH THE METS

There’s really no polite way to frame it, so let’s just belly-flop straight into honesty: I am ecstatic that Devin Williams is officially someone else’s problem. Truly, this might be the first offseason moment where Brian Cashman didn’t step on a rake. Whether he hesitated, procrastinated, or simply stared into space long enough for the Mets to do something reckless, it worked out beautifully for the Yankees.

Because let’s be real — did anyone watch this man pitch in pinstripes? It was like buying a fancy espresso machine that only spits out muddy water. Williams showed up from Milwaukee, immediately lost the closer job, and then spent the rest of the season trying to remember where the strike zone lived.

But fear not, New York baseball fans! The Mets — God bless their chaos — have swooped in with a three-year, $51 million love letter. A big one. A “did we really need to spend that?” one. Enjoy that ride, Mets. Bring a helmet.

So, what now? Do the Yankees make a bizarre, galaxy-brained run at Edwin Díaz? Who knows. Stranger things have absolutely happened in this town.

If it were up to me, I’d happily bring back Luke Weaver, hand him the ninth inning, and rebuild the bullpen with actual logic. Will Cashman do that? Of course not. This is the same GM who treats roster construction like a Sudoku puzzle he’s too tired to finish.

But hey, at least he didn’t sign Devin Williams. Even a broken franchise gets one right every now and then.

Go grow that beard, Devin. Have fun with it.