THE STEVE COHEN BLUNDER HEARD 'ROUND THE WORLD

Well, Mets fans, you got him. Juan Soto, the golden goose of the offseason, is now wearing blue and orange. For the tidy sum of $765 million over 15 years—with a $75 million signing bonus, no less—the Mets have officially emptied the vault for a single player. And let’s be clear: this isn’t just any vault. This is Steve Cohen’s Scrooge McDuck-sized money pit. But before you start planning the championship parade down Flushing Meadows, let’s have a reality check; One Soto makes zero sense.

Fifteen years. Let that sink in. FIFTEEN YEARS. By the time this contract runs its course, I might be dead, and Soto might be using a cane to jog around the bases. The Mets are now shackled to a deal so long that fans will likely pass it down to their grandchildren. But don’t worry, Mets faithful, because apparently this is the move that will change everything. After all, who needs pitching, depth, or logic when you have Juan Soto?  Did the Mets learn anything from the Yankees in 2024? Nope.

This is Steve Cohen’s masterpiece: a $765 million gamble on one man. Was he paying attention? Sure, Juan's a great hitter, but have they noticed the Yankees—yes, the Bronx Bombers—were in the World Series this year with Soto and a full pitching staff? Guess what, Cohen? One player doesn’t get you a championship. Need more evidence? Go ask Mike Trout.

I applaud Hal Steinbrenner. Hal must be smirking behind his Excel spreadsheets. Sure, Hal’s as tight-fisted as they come, and Yankees fans will remind you of that daily. But at least the guy isn’t a complete fool. The Yankees’ 16-year, $760 million offer may not have landed Soto, but Hal is a businessman, not a walking ATM.

The Yankees didn’t overextend themselves into eternity. They tried, they failed and probably for the better. We had Soto in 2024 and made it to the World Series with him. But when it came time to win, we couldn't. When it came time to negotiate this off season, the Yankees had enough sense to consider the rest of the roster. Imagine that—prioritizing depth and balance over making the splashiest headline. 

The Bottom line is the Mets got robbed... the Mets got fleeced. Cohen essentially said, “Here, take my wallet, my house, and my dignity.” Soto walked away with the bag, and now the Mets are stuck holding the bill until 2039. Yes, that’s 2039. The flying cars might be here before this contract ends.

And what about the rest of the roster? The Mets’ rotation is thinner than a New York slice, and their bullpen? Let’s just say it’s not exactly championship-caliber. But sure, they’ve got Juan Soto! Enjoy watching him go 4-for-4 while your pitching gets shelled.

Cohen wanted to make a statement, and he did. Unfortunately, the statement was, “I have more money than common sense.” Mets fans, you may not want to hear it, but you just witnessed one of the most lopsided contracts in baseball history. And when Soto is hitting .220 in year 12 of this monstrosity, you’ll remember this day.

The Yankees may have lost Soto, but they didn’t lose their minds. Meanwhile, the Mets just threw a party for a deal that could haunt them for the next decade and a half. So enjoy your shiny new toy, Mets fans. Just don’t forget that championships aren’t won with press releases—they’re won with teams.